LIVE FREE:

THE SPOUSE'S BATTLE

The other side of the coin, it is you! You are the suffering caregiver!

You are a spouse, a brother, a sister, a parent, or a relatives of an addict.

We are talking about you, whoever you are,

living every day with someone suffering from a behavioral addiction or a substance addiction.

LIVE FREE:

THE SPOUSE's BATTLE

The other side of the mirror, it is you! You are the suffering caregiver!

You are a spouse, a brother, a sister, a parent, or relatives of a dependent person.

We are talking about you, whoever you are,

living every day with someone suffering from a behavioral or substance addiction.

Someone close to you is dependent on something, and you do not understand what is happening?
Do you not understand what is happening to you?
Do you feel increasingly alone, crushed by shame?
Are you looking for help but do not know where to turn for fear of being judged?
Do you feel you no longer exist, dragged down by the behavior of your addicted loved one or by those around you who judge you?
Do you want to understand what is going on in the life of someone close to you?

I WANT TO GET LIVE FREE: THE SPOUSE's BATTLE

Someone close to you is dependent on something, and you do not understand what is happening?
Do you not understand what is happening to you?
Are you feeling increasingly alone, crushed by shame?
Are you looking for help but do not know where to turn for fear of being judged?
Do you feel you no longer exist, dragged down by the behavior of your addicted loved one or by those around you who judge you?
Do you want to understand what is going on in the life of someone close to you?

I WANT TO GET LIVE FREE: THE SPOUSE's BATTLE

The Spouse's Battle - Acknowledging My Existence!

We want to speak to you who live alongside an addicted person, alongside someone who is fighting an addiction.

On the other side of the coin, it is you. The partner's suffering is yours. We want to speak particularly to you, who are "on the other side." Your suffering and fatigue are real.

We use the word spouse because, in most cases, we are thinking of a married couple, but for single people battling addiction, that "spouse" can be a brother, sister, the parents or relatives.

We are talking about you, whoever you are, living every day in the daily life of someone suffering from a behavioral addiction or an addiction to a product.

I Live with an Addict, BUT that Does Not Make Me an Addict!

You experience addiction by repercussion, by ricochet. Nevertheless, we want to remind you that you are not codependent! That is a lie we hear all too often!

If you have a spouse who is an addict and struggles with an addiction, you are not codependent on the addiction, the product, or the behavior. You are accompanying and sharing the life of someone who is addicted, but that does not make you a codependent!

Nor are you responsible! The person who is addicted choose to accept or to allow this addiction to grow, in some way. Be careful not to transfer responsibility. Even though there may be multiple causes, and some behaviors may have been a factor, the decision always lies with the person who accepts the addiction into their life and follows this path.

You are not responsible for someone else's addiction!

Acknowledging My Existence!

We want to speak to you who live alongside an addicted person, alongside someone who is fighting an addiction.

On the other side of the mirror, it is you. The partner's suffering is yours. We want to speak particularly to you, who are "on the other side." Your suffering and fatigue are real.

We use the word spouse because, in most cases, we are thinking of a married couple, but for single people battling addiction, that "spouse" can be a brother, sister, one parent, or the parents.

We are talking about you, whoever you are, living every day in the daily life of someone suffering from a behavioral or product addiction.

I Live with an Addict, BUT that Does Not Make Me an Addict!

You experience addiction by repercussion, by ricochet. Nevertheless, we want to remind you that you are not co-dependent! That is a lie we hear all too often!

If you have a spouse who is an addict and struggles with an addiction, you are not co-dependent with that person on the addiction, the product, or the behavior. You are accompanying and sharing the life of someone who is addicted, but that does not make you a co-dependent!

Nor are you responsible! It is always the choice of the person who is addicted to accept, in some way, to allow this addiction to grow. Be careful not to transfer responsibility. Even though there may be multiple causes, and some attitudes may have been an explanatory factor, the final decision always lies with the person who accepts the addiction into their life and follows this path.

You are not responsible for someone else's addiction!

Eric and Rachel Dufour

Pastors, Therapists, Marital Counselors and Sexologists

We are also the parents of five children who have all become adults today.

For over 30 years, we have been accompanying, and helping, couples, and singles, involved in full-time ministry, to regain spiritual and emotional health for themselves and their families.

Eric and Rachel Dufour

Pastors, Therapists, Marital Counselors and Sexologists

We are also the parents of five children who have all become adults today.

For over 30 years, we have been accompanying, and helping, couples, and singles, involved in full-time ministry, to regain spiritual and emotional health for themselves and their families.

An addiction in my life, in our lives?

You do not develop an addiction overnight. There is a phenomenon of habituation, of compensation. The same goes for the person accompanying the one who has an addiction. You do not realize it overnight. It is hard to notice that the person close to you has an addiction, and sometimes your eyes are opened by others.

You realize it because of other people's reactions. When you are too close to someone who is fighting addiction, you cannot see it. Afterward, you ask yourself, "But how could I not have seen it?" The state of shock you experienced and are experiencing is normal.

It is disturbing. It is traumatic to realize that the person you love and share your life with has replaced God or yourself with this substance or behavior.

These reactions, that surprise me!

How can we balance our own reactions?

It is very complicated. Because you love this person who is dependent, you are here, reading our words! Because you love them, you do not want to lose them, but at the same time, you feel that you may be losing yourself and that something unfair is replacing the life you dreamed of having, were building, or thought you had.

You may be fighting this shock, this denial, this anger, this negotiation that is making you lose your footing. This makes things difficult for you and can lead to depression.

You may go back and forth between different stages, depending on who you are and how aware you are of the suffering of your partner or your parent who has an addiction, and the work you are doing on yourself and your realization of where you are.

I WANT TO GET the ebook

An addiction in my life, in our lives?

You do not develop an addiction overnight. There is a phenomenon of habituation, of compensation. The same goes for the person accompanying the person who has an addiction. You do not realize it overnight. It is complicated to see that the person close to you has an addiction, and sometimes the mirror comes from the outside.

We realize it because of other people's reactions. When you are too close to someone who is fighting addiction, you cannot see it. Afterward, you ask yourself, "But how could I not have seen it?" The state of shock you have experienced and are experiencing is normal.

It is disturbing. It is traumatic to realize that the person you love and share your life with has replaced God or yourself with this substance or behavior.

These reactions, which surprise me!

How can we balance our own reactions?

It is very complicated. Because you love this dependent person, you are here, reading these lines! Because you love them, you do not want to lose them, but at the same time, you feel that you may be losing yourself and that something unfair is taking the place of the life you dreamed of having, or were building, or thought you had.

You may be fighting against this shock, this denial, this anger, this negotiation that is making you lose your footing. This makes things difficult for you and can lead to depression.

You may go back and forth between different stages, depending on who you are and how aware you are of the suffering of your partner or your parent who has an addiction, and then your work on yourself, your own realization of where you are.

I WANT TO GET the ebook

LIVE FREE:

THE SPOUSE'S BATTLE Discusses:

Introduction to Addictions

Putting words to something evil
Once upon a time …
Consequences and solutions?

The Spouse's Battle

And me? What am I in all this?
No! It is not possible!
These reactions which surprise me
Why do I hurt so much?
I have the right to think of myself!

I Have the Right to Think of Myself!

It is unbearable, unfair, and hard, but God sees your tears and counts each one.

Take care of your soul. Take care of your body, too. All the efforts you are making today are for them because they are the ones fighting this unbearable monster, but you need to stay alive inside and not collapse physically. Take a step back. Take a rest.

Take care of yourself and your soul on the level of forgiveness. Do not let bitterness grow in the face of addiction. Do not fight the wrong enemy. That is where the truth lies, too. The enemy is outside your relationship, outside your family. It is outside. The person you love is also fighting the same enemy. Guard your heart against the bitterness that could grow because of what you are going through.

So take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. God is with you, too.

Remember that the one you love is still inside that person fighting addiction. Addiction affects the decision-making zone, affects who you are, and affects your identity. It is fueled by lies. It becomes stronger than the one you love. So keep your faith in God and your faith in the one you love who is hidden inside the addict.

On the other side of addiction, on the side of freedom, you will find them again; you will find him or her! You will be able to go back to being that life partner, that family you dreamed of and perhaps had before, or that family you want to build today.

I Have the Right to Think of Myself!

It is unbearable, unfair, and hard, and God sees your tears and counts them one by one.

Take care of your soul; take care of your body, too. All the effort you are making today is for them because they are the ones fighting this unbearable monster, but you need to stay alive inside and not collapse physically. Take a step back. Take a rest.

Take care of yourself and your soul at the level of forgiveness. Do not let bitterness grow in the face of addiction. Do not fight the wrong enemy. That is where the truth lies, too. The enemy is outside your relationship, outside your family. It is outside. The person you love is also fighting the same enemy. Guard your heart against the bitterness that could grow because of what you are going through.

So take care of yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually. God is with you, too.

On the other side of addiction, on the side of freedom, you will find it again; you will find him or her! You will be able to go back to being that life partner, that family you dreamed of and perhaps had before, or that family you want to build today.