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“Fantastic, an argument!”

February 08, 20222 min read

Have you ever had a fight?

No, of course you haven’t... but hey, just in case, I would like to make it easier for you. 

A healthy couple is not a couple who never fights. They are a couple who have learned to manage their conflicts in a fair and just manner, and to take advantage of those moments of tension to grow in their relationship. Too good to be true?

Every couple knows that these, almost inevitable, arguments, will be present at one time or another. Jesus taught on the two houses that, despite their different foundations, faced the same storm; in the same way, every couple, no matter their history, faces moments of fighting. The goal is that these fights don’t become destructive.

First of all, here’s an important principle: It’s not when the storm has arrived that we must decide the rules that will govern these fights. It’s essential to be able to choose these governing rules when all is well. Prevention is always better than a cure! You know yourself, you know what you need in these moments to feel heard. So, decide on your rules together!

Here’s a golden rule: You must only look for win-win solutions. This is not easy, but you must promise to stay engaged in the discussion as long as the two do not feel heard and adequately understood.

If your desire is to win the argument, to be right, then you will both lose! You are one emotionally, spiritually and physically... It is therefore impossible to win alone! The solution is to promise each other to continue the discussion, every day if necessary, until you can both say: “That's it, we found the solution and have moved forward!”

From now on, even though an argument or a disagreement is never pleasant, you can choose to say together: “We will grow!”


Discover more on how to handle fights in "Developing a Healthy Marriage"

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Eric & Rachel Dufour

We have over 30 years of counseling experience as pastors, missionaries, therapists, and marriage counselors. Rachel is also a sexologist. We travel the world as counselors and therapists, to provide help and teachings through various platforms and media. We are also the parents of five boys, now all adults. We began our work in ministry in the 90’s, with the establishment of a church in Alsace (France), all while working in a rehabilitation center for drug addicts and abused women. After answering God’s call on our lives to become missionaries, we moved to South-East Asia. In 2008, we established ourselves in Colorado (USA) and started helping pastors and missionaries in need, from around the world.

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Eric and Rachel DUFOUR

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