Having a child is a complex process. On top of it, a pregnancy always has risks. But having children is a wonderful gift. They are a gift from God. We, as parents, are only their stewards. They are entrusted to us to take care of them.
Yes, that is all very nice, but how do we do it since the instructions are not delivered with the baby at the time of delivery?
I want to get Parents: The Manual
We speak from experience
We had the joy of having five children, five wonderful boys. Our hearts grew with every child. Our hearts are never too small to receive a child. We love them all differently, but we love them all as much!
They were entrusted to us, and we are responsible for them, for a time, but they belong to God. Every child is a soul who comes to earth to be guided towards eternity. So, there is no bigger or no more beautiful responsibility than this one. It’s truly an extraordinary adventure.
We need to be intentional
We had to define a finish line to enable us to build an educational trajectory. Children are all different from one another. Of course, they have their own will, but first, we need to define a trajectory, similar to when someone launches a rocket.
Children have their own free-will, which is very important in God’s heart. They will have choices to make. Those will be their own choices. Our job is to launch them, and then it is between them and God. On the other side, they will come out on the right trajectory, God willing. This is our prayer.
The objectives we really wanted for our children are the following: they would become men who serve God, they would hold a deep respect for the wife who will be theirs one day, and they would have a love for the values of the Gospel, work, etc.
Once we had defined our objectives, we helped them grow in those understandings.
Have you set your own objectives?
We need to be responsible
We must not leave the responsibility of this education to someone else!
Even with all the love we can have, we are imperfect. This is why we really need to be intentional, so that our ceiling becomes their floor.
Each stage of their lives holds different needs.
A child’s education demands a lot of dialogue, a lot of love, and a lot of foresight. Don’t be spectators, but actors in this wonderful adventure. Don’t be afraid. We did not know how to do it either. We had resources which helped us with that. We did not create, nor invent everything from scratch ourselves!
God led us towards passages of Psalms, and Proverbs, which were like rails to show us the right direction to follow as parents. We read books and took counsel from families which were more advanced than us. We learned a lot. We retained what seemed to apply to our family. Today, we would like to share with you the solutions we used for our family, so that you may build your own educational trajectory for your children.
Whether there are two of you, or if you are alone, don’t quit!
It is never too late to start! Ask God for help. He will inspire you and guide you. He knows your children. He entrusted them to you. He did not make a mistake in doing so.
There are no taboos, quite the opposite!
We can and need to talk about every topic with them, particularly the topic of sexuality.
The first and foremost thing we want to reaffirm: sexuality was designed by God, created by God, and imagined by God for the pleasure of His children, within the context of marriage.
Sexuality starts from our conception. We are sexual beings, and then sexuality comes and develops. So, by nature, there is not anything dirty or sinful about sexuality. Satan is not the creator of sexuality. God is the author of sexuality. He wants us to reclaim what was stolen from us.
You need to have a language adapted to the age of the child. We want our children to grow up to become sexually fulfilled men and women. This is why it is important to understand all of these steps. Our behavior with them, in relation to their sexuality, will result in them becoming sexually fulfilled adults within the healthy framework God has provided. You must not leave this ground to the opponent by remaining silent, embarrassed, or by not daring to communicate. Don't leave the field open to the adversary, or to Dr. Google, as we tend to say, to Dr. Internet. Otherwise, it is like letting kids go to the worst possible sources for information.
This is a generation who is very in the instantaneous: “I want it, I need it, I need it right now!” They need to learn there are treasures they should expect to have, only when the season is right, and especially sexuality, which is perhaps one of the most important in a human being's life.
These are subjects which aren’t always easy to talk about with children. But in freedom and in love, there is a platform the Lord allows. These are occasions to grow, as much for the kids, as for the parents.
Eric & Rachel Dufour
Pastors, therapists, marriage counselors, and sexologists.
We are also the parents of five children who have all become adults today.
For over 30 years, we have been accompanying, and helping, couples, and singles, involved in full-time ministry, to regain spiritual and emotional health for themselves and their families.
We propose the following topics:
Different Ages - Different Approaches
The early years: starting in the right direction
The middle years: growing in faith as a family
The preteen years and beyond: transitioning out of childhood
Preparing Our Children for Sexuality
The early years: body positivity
5-10 years old: understanding sexuality without shame
The preteen years and beyond: discovering the blessings of God’s plan for sexuality
Parents: The Manual
in video format
for only $29!
whereas a one hour private counseling session costs about $50 and receive, as a bonus, the corresponding ebook free of charge!