Developing a Healthy Marriage

Desiring Children

parenting rachel miquel dufour Jul 30, 2021

What should we do with the desire to have children? This is a great question.

Family is a gift from God; it was created by Him. The husband and wife are a representation of Christ with the Church. The desire to build a family and to have children is, therefore, legitimate.

Unfortunately, in the Christian world we have often focused too much on family being some sort of unique and necessary evolution in our journey with Christ. 

Implicitly, we sometimes replace a progression in our Christian walk, sanctification, by something visible: Singles aspire to be married and then have children, as if it was the ultimate goal. 

Such beliefs have left generations of single Christians, or married couples without children, feeling a great deal of suffering and misunderstanding of God's plan for their lives. 

Our growth with Christ brings us closer to our Fiancé, who will come back and get us for the wedding feast of the Lamb. During our earthly pilgrimage some will build a family, others will not, and both are good.

For those who will have the joy and responsibility of building a family, it is important to ask the right questions. Why do you “want” a child? 

  • If it is because you want to be like everyone else and uphold the standards of society or your church, that is a mistake!
  • If it is a self-centered desire, wanting to have a child to be better than your friends, neighbors, or parents, it is a mistake!
  • If it is just because our biological clock is ticking and the number of candles on your birthday cake makes you dizzy, it's a mistake!
  • If it is because you feel that God wants to entrust you with a soul to guide in His ways, that is the right starting point!
  • If it is because you believe that God wants to entrust you with a human being who has a destiny to fulfill on this earth, and you see the opportunity to love them, to protect them, and to help them grow into an adult who will be able to fulfill God's plan for their life, then yes!
  • When you sit around the dinner table, if it feels like your family isn't complete, and you have the feeling that God has another person to trust you with, it is because there is still room in your hearts for another child.
  • If it is because you want this child to come into the world and receive eternal life, then your heart is in the right place.

Bringing a child into the world is a big responsibility that will last a lifetime. Let us love the children that God trusts us with , whether they are in our own family or in the wider circle of our lives. Children are precious in God’s eyes. 

However your child comes into your life, whether it was accidentally, through a trauma, or your desire to build a family, God will be by your side to help raise, love, and lead them back to Himself. 

And if your heart bleeds because your desire for a child remains unfulfilled and your arms are empty, I am praying for you while writing these words. May God fill you, comfort you, and grant you your heart’s desire.

Rachel Miquel Dufour 

Learn how to raise your children to love God by watching our YouTube video.


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